Oasis For Concerned Others

How to help a friend or someone you love.

  • Talk, listen, respect and be emotionally available.
  • Believe them.
  • Accept the fact that the assault/abuse has happened or is happening.
  • Understand that it is not the individual's fault.
  • Listen nonjudgmentally.
  • Keep the focus on them.
  • Suggest options and actions (medical, psychological, and other assistance such as childcare, financial options, shelter, and safety planning), but let him/her decide what action to take.
  • Let him/her talk about the abuse, but don't force a discussion.
  • Take the initiative to maintain communications with the survivor.
  • Do not attempt to moderate between the individual and their abuser.
  • Moderate your natural tendencies to become overprotective.
  • Offer shelter if possible, but know and communicate your limits about your own safety and needs.
  • Don’t minimize the abuse that has occurred.
  • Understand that the individual could be in more danger if they are to leave the relationship, and that this decision is often the most complicated decision to make.
  • Do not blame yourself. The only person who is at fault is the person who committed the harm.
  • Educate yourself on relationship violence and services available.
  • Talk with people you can trust and take care of your own emotional/physical health.
  • Refer to profe4ssional resources.

Need Additional Help?

Contact the Oasis Program or find out more through Emerge! Center Against Domestic Abuse.