For Concerned Others

How to help an individual in an abusive relationship:

• Talk, listen, respect and be emotionally available.
• Accept the fact that the assault/abuse has happened or is happening.
• Understand that it is not the individual's fault.
• Listen nonjudgmentally.
• Suggest options and actions (medical, psychological, and other assistance such as childcare, financial options, shelter, and safety planning), but let him/her decide what action to take.
• Let him/her talk about the abuse, but don't force a discussion.
• Take the initiative to maintain communications with the survivor.
• Do not attempt to moderate between the individual and their abuser.
• Moderate your natural tendencies to become overprotective.
• Offer shelter if possible, but know and communicate your limits about your own safety and needs.
• Don’t minimize the abuse that has occurred.
• Understand that the individual could be in more danger if they are to leave the relationship, and that this decision is often the most complicated decision to make.
• Do not blame yourself. The only person who is at fault is the person who committed the harm.
• Educate yourself on relationship violence and services available.
• Talk with people you can trust and take care of your own emotional/physical health.

Need Additional Help?
Contact the Oasis Program, Emerge! Center Against Domestic Abuse, or Wingspan Anti-Violence Project