Q:  Is it true that females need to be in “the mood” to feel pleasure in the genital region?  What are some good ways to put my partner in the mood and excite her during love making?

A:  Men are generally conditioned to focus on genital stimulation as their primary source of sexual arousal -- not surprisingly, your question targets solely the genital region as the source of pleasure for your female partner.  Women, however, tend to be whole-body oriented meaning that sensual touch in various places on the female body may lead to heightened arousal.  Particularly sensitive spots may include a woman’s breasts, nipples, neck and shoulders; and with regard to female genitalia, the head and shaft of the clitoris, the inner surfaces of the labia minora and the first inch and a half of the vagina.  Sexual stimulation can be achieved through various forms of sensual touch (e.g., kissing, caressing, licking, sucking, manual stimulation) in all of these areas mentioned.  To excite your partner and to bring her to orgasm, use these other forms of stimulation in addition to (or in place of) penile-vaginal intercourse.  It is very common that women do not achieve orgasm through penile-vaginal thrusting alone.  A guaranteed way to ensure that she derives pleasure and excitement from intercourse is to ask her what feels good, what arouses her and then do it.

As to your question of how to get your partner in “the mood,” the answer lies in the art of seduction.  Seduction is not trickery or manipulation, rather it is making the effort to show your partner how much you value making love to her.  According to Dr. Judy Kurianski, host of “LovePhones,” to seduce your partner is to tell her “I really want to make love to you.”  Making your desire specific to her is much more flattering than the generic “I want to have sex.”  Kurianski offers the following tips for seduction:

  • Pay close attention to what your partners says and repeat her sentiments later in the conversation
  • Physically move closer to her and linger there
  • Address her by her name frequently during conversation
  • Make nonsexual physical contact (i.e., caress her cheek, touch her hair,   hold her hand)
  • Take care of your partner by doing errands or chores for her, unasked.
Sources:  Hatcher, R.A. et al.  (1998).  Contraceptive Technology, 17th Revised Edition.
 Kuriansky, J.  (1998).  The Complete Idiot’s Guide to A Healthy Relationship.